The 10 Funniest Moments in Assassin's Creed Games
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VOICE OVER: Aaron Brown
WRITTEN BY: Nancy Roberge-Renaud
"Assassin's Creed" is pretty serious most of the time, but there have also been some stand-out funny moments. Welcome to MojoPlays, and today we're counting down our picks for the moments in the “Assassin's Creed” franchise that gave us a laugh! Our list of the funniest moments in "Assassin's Creed" includes Sparta's Olympic Champion from “Assassin's Creed: Odyssey” (2018), What Part of France? from “Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood” (2010), The Prodigy from “Assassin's Creed: Valhalla” (2020), and more!
Welcome to MojoPlays, and today we’re counting down our picks for the moments in the “Assassin’s Creed” franchise that gave us a laugh!
Ezio Auditore da Firenze is many players’ favorite, and we'd give anything for one more game with the Italian assassin. We’ll have to settle for this subtle cameo for the moment. In the “Assassin’s Creed: Black Flag” mission “A Governor No Longer,” Edward Kenway is tasked with tailing and eventually assassinating an Italian diplomat, Ruggiero Ferraro. Well, Ferraro isn’t a fan of anywhere other than Italy, apparently, as he trashes his surroundings and the Brits for the entire tail. At one point, he even says “Oh, how I miss the warm and winding streets of Firenze!” He is voiced by none other than Ezio’s voice actor, Roger Craig Smith. Fun fact, the character’s name translates loosely to “Roger Blacksmith.” See what they did there?
“AC: Odyssey” has a ton of side quests, some interesting, some dull and some…disturbing. A sidequest in Phokis puts Cassandra/Alexios in charge of seeking bear scrotum and deer tongue in order to make an elixir to respark the love lives of an older couple. Think Ancient Grecian Viagra. There’s nothing like putting your life in peril in order to provide grandma and grandpa with a cure for erectile dysfunction. Upon returning with the ingredients, Gramps is terrified of his future exertions. What’s a misthios to do? Well, you can choose to bed Granny and give the old man a few days’ respite, or you can just take the money and run. Your choice. We won’t kiss and tell.
Duccio de Luca shows up multiple times in Ezio’s trilogy. He is a smarmy, predatory creep who first appears in AC 2 in one of the introductory scenes. He has been unfaithful to Claudia Auditore, and Ezio beats him up, much to our delight. He again appears in AC Brotherhood, still being a creep, this time with many cronies. Ezio kicks his and his cronies’ collective asses. Duccio really asks for it, honestly. He appears a third and final time in AC Revelations, first an honorable mention in Ezio’s minstrel song, later in his attempt to woo Sofia. This time, Duccio is absolutely and hilariously terrified of Ezio. According to AC lore, he eventually dies of rabies, which seems fitting.
With a game this big, there is an elevated likelihood of schoolyard humor. One of the quests in AC Odyssey, “Delivering a Champion”, requires the escort of Spartan champion Testikles to the Olympic Games in Elis. Like the stereotype, Testikles the athlete lacks in brains what he makes up in brawn. He also loves wine. This is ultimately a lethal combination. Upon arriving at the Games, he drunkenly trips and falls into the ocean, only to be promptly eaten by sharks. The lore reveals that Testikles has a twin brother, Testiklos. Of course he does. His twin is a mercenary and goes by the moniker Testiklos the Nut. Get it?
Though Connor isn’t much of a laugh riot, AC 3 still provides us with some subtle humor. Connor’s father is Templar Grandmaster Haytham Kenway, and the two coincidentally meet and end up working together for a while. The father/son dynamic is quick to follow and it’s definitely entertaining, with Connor basically being an angry teenager and Haytham his strict and serious dad. As the two travel together, we see the typical interactions of a father and child, including criticizing Connor’s driving (steering the ship), and the classic “because I said so” moments. The conclusion between the two men isn’t so great, but these prior moments provide some nice comic relief.
If you were holed up underground for long periods of time surrounded by buzzing computers and a snarky, obnoxious Englishman, what would you do in your spare time? In AC Brotherhood, we get a little moment in which Desmond Miles is taking a break. He approaches the statue of Altair and asks … Rebecca chimes in from her post, claiming it’s racist, leading to a sort of sibling tiff. It definitely gave us a laugh. The two are shushed by mama Lucy as she reminds them of the task at hand. Behave, children!
When AC Valhalla was in its programming stage in 2019, British musician and The Prodigy frontman Keith Flint passed away. His memory was honored in an AC side mission, aptly named “The Prodigy.” Eivor comes upon a group of musicians in an argument with a Bishop. The group’s spiky haired leader Keith complains of the Bishop’s rantings about their “devil music.” After attempting to reason with him, Eivor ends up in a fist fight with the clergyman which of course ends with the Norseman prevailing. Keith is then free to play as he pleases and is inspired by Eivor to sing a new tune, “Smack my Bishop.” If you know, you know.
As seen previously, AC Odyssey has interesting quests and a strange sense of humor at times. Do you want a ship? Well, you’ll have to shove a fake eye into a goat’s butt. No, really. Cassandra/Alexios shows up at crime boss The Cyclops’ hideout in Kleptos Bay carrying his lost false eye. Instead of handing it over, however, the Spartan shoves it into the nearest goat’s rear end. Cue battle, everyone dies, Barnabas is rescued and the ship is yours. Oh, and if you want the eye back, you can return and murder random goats until you loot it. This will actually grant you a secret achievement called “Stink Eye.”
The story of Ubisoft is an elaborate one. The company actually started out in early 1980s France as a farming support business, then moved on to the software game, settling in gaming by the late 80s. The studio began branching out worldwide over time, establishing a major studio in Montreal, Quebec in 1997. The Montreal studio developed “Assassin’s Creed” in 2007, and has since become the principal hub for development of the subsequent games. As a result of this, they stuck a little nod to themselves in “AC Brotherhood.” Ezio is disguised as a French guard, and upon being questioned as to what part of France he hails from, he shouts “Montreal!” Well played.
We couldn’t leave this gem out of our list! It’s an AC classic! “Assassin’s Creed II” has its many comedic moments, from Ezio’s snarky taunts to the boisterous Bartholomeo and much more. Admit it, you need a bit of comic relief after watching the tragedies unfold. One of the most memorable moments is Ezio meeting his uncle. He’s Italian, he’s portly, he has a mustache and his name is Mario. So, how else can he introduce himself? It’s a small but hilarious moment, and a clever nod to Nintendo’s plumber hero Mario. The comparison stops at the name.
Which “Assassin’s Creed” moments had you laughing out loud? Let us know in the comments!
Ezio’s Cameo
“Assassin’s Creed: Black Flag” (2013)Ezio Auditore da Firenze is many players’ favorite, and we'd give anything for one more game with the Italian assassin. We’ll have to settle for this subtle cameo for the moment. In the “Assassin’s Creed: Black Flag” mission “A Governor No Longer,” Edward Kenway is tasked with tailing and eventually assassinating an Italian diplomat, Ruggiero Ferraro. Well, Ferraro isn’t a fan of anywhere other than Italy, apparently, as he trashes his surroundings and the Brits for the entire tail. At one point, he even says “Oh, how I miss the warm and winding streets of Firenze!” He is voiced by none other than Ezio’s voice actor, Roger Craig Smith. Fun fact, the character’s name translates loosely to “Roger Blacksmith.” See what they did there?
Age is Just a Number
“Assassin’s Creed: Odyssey” (2018)“AC: Odyssey” has a ton of side quests, some interesting, some dull and some…disturbing. A sidequest in Phokis puts Cassandra/Alexios in charge of seeking bear scrotum and deer tongue in order to make an elixir to respark the love lives of an older couple. Think Ancient Grecian Viagra. There’s nothing like putting your life in peril in order to provide grandma and grandpa with a cure for erectile dysfunction. Upon returning with the ingredients, Gramps is terrified of his future exertions. What’s a misthios to do? Well, you can choose to bed Granny and give the old man a few days’ respite, or you can just take the money and run. Your choice. We won’t kiss and tell.
Duccio de Luca
“Assassin’s Creed II”(2009), “Assassin’s Creed: Brotherhood” (2010), “Assassin’s Creed: Revelations” (2011)Duccio de Luca shows up multiple times in Ezio’s trilogy. He is a smarmy, predatory creep who first appears in AC 2 in one of the introductory scenes. He has been unfaithful to Claudia Auditore, and Ezio beats him up, much to our delight. He again appears in AC Brotherhood, still being a creep, this time with many cronies. Ezio kicks his and his cronies’ collective asses. Duccio really asks for it, honestly. He appears a third and final time in AC Revelations, first an honorable mention in Ezio’s minstrel song, later in his attempt to woo Sofia. This time, Duccio is absolutely and hilariously terrified of Ezio. According to AC lore, he eventually dies of rabies, which seems fitting.
Sparta’s Olympic Champion
“Assassin’s Creed: Odyssey” (2018)With a game this big, there is an elevated likelihood of schoolyard humor. One of the quests in AC Odyssey, “Delivering a Champion”, requires the escort of Spartan champion Testikles to the Olympic Games in Elis. Like the stereotype, Testikles the athlete lacks in brains what he makes up in brawn. He also loves wine. This is ultimately a lethal combination. Upon arriving at the Games, he drunkenly trips and falls into the ocean, only to be promptly eaten by sharks. The lore reveals that Testikles has a twin brother, Testiklos. Of course he does. His twin is a mercenary and goes by the moniker Testiklos the Nut. Get it?
Father & Son
“Assassin’s Creed III” (2012)Though Connor isn’t much of a laugh riot, AC 3 still provides us with some subtle humor. Connor’s father is Templar Grandmaster Haytham Kenway, and the two coincidentally meet and end up working together for a while. The father/son dynamic is quick to follow and it’s definitely entertaining, with Connor basically being an angry teenager and Haytham his strict and serious dad. As the two travel together, we see the typical interactions of a father and child, including criticizing Connor’s driving (steering the ship), and the classic “because I said so” moments. The conclusion between the two men isn’t so great, but these prior moments provide some nice comic relief.
“Wassa-matta?”
“Assassin’s Creed: Brotherhood” (2010)If you were holed up underground for long periods of time surrounded by buzzing computers and a snarky, obnoxious Englishman, what would you do in your spare time? In AC Brotherhood, we get a little moment in which Desmond Miles is taking a break. He approaches the statue of Altair and asks … Rebecca chimes in from her post, claiming it’s racist, leading to a sort of sibling tiff. It definitely gave us a laugh. The two are shushed by mama Lucy as she reminds them of the task at hand. Behave, children!
The Prodigy
“Assassin’s Creed: Valhalla” (2020)When AC Valhalla was in its programming stage in 2019, British musician and The Prodigy frontman Keith Flint passed away. His memory was honored in an AC side mission, aptly named “The Prodigy.” Eivor comes upon a group of musicians in an argument with a Bishop. The group’s spiky haired leader Keith complains of the Bishop’s rantings about their “devil music.” After attempting to reason with him, Eivor ends up in a fist fight with the clergyman which of course ends with the Norseman prevailing. Keith is then free to play as he pleases and is inspired by Eivor to sing a new tune, “Smack my Bishop.” If you know, you know.
The Stink Eye
“Assassin’s Creed: Odyssey” (2018)As seen previously, AC Odyssey has interesting quests and a strange sense of humor at times. Do you want a ship? Well, you’ll have to shove a fake eye into a goat’s butt. No, really. Cassandra/Alexios shows up at crime boss The Cyclops’ hideout in Kleptos Bay carrying his lost false eye. Instead of handing it over, however, the Spartan shoves it into the nearest goat’s rear end. Cue battle, everyone dies, Barnabas is rescued and the ship is yours. Oh, and if you want the eye back, you can return and murder random goats until you loot it. This will actually grant you a secret achievement called “Stink Eye.”
What Part of France?
“Assassin’s Creed: Brotherhood” (2010)The story of Ubisoft is an elaborate one. The company actually started out in early 1980s France as a farming support business, then moved on to the software game, settling in gaming by the late 80s. The studio began branching out worldwide over time, establishing a major studio in Montreal, Quebec in 1997. The Montreal studio developed “Assassin’s Creed” in 2007, and has since become the principal hub for development of the subsequent games. As a result of this, they stuck a little nod to themselves in “AC Brotherhood.” Ezio is disguised as a French guard, and upon being questioned as to what part of France he hails from, he shouts “Montreal!” Well played.
It’s-a-Who?
“Assassin’s Creed II” (2009)We couldn’t leave this gem out of our list! It’s an AC classic! “Assassin’s Creed II” has its many comedic moments, from Ezio’s snarky taunts to the boisterous Bartholomeo and much more. Admit it, you need a bit of comic relief after watching the tragedies unfold. One of the most memorable moments is Ezio meeting his uncle. He’s Italian, he’s portly, he has a mustache and his name is Mario. So, how else can he introduce himself? It’s a small but hilarious moment, and a clever nod to Nintendo’s plumber hero Mario. The comparison stops at the name.
Which “Assassin’s Creed” moments had you laughing out loud? Let us know in the comments!
